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How To Help
Aging Parents
In a
world where baby-boomers are reaching retirement
age, and people are living longer, we are seeing
more and more situations of role reversals. The
children of aging parents are becoming the
caretakers. The mother is now the ‘child’ and
the daughter is now a ‘mother.’
In many
families, this can put a stress on the time and
energy left for one’s own family. But there are
ways to reorganize your life, and ways to help
your parents and still maintain your own life.
FINDING THE TIME
The time you devote to your aging relative depends on their situation.
Some may be in a nursing home, some may be in
assisted living, others are still in their own
home, but unable to care for daily tasks such as
cooking meals or maintaining the yard.
The first thing you will need to do is make a list of everything that
needs to be done for the elder. If he/she is on
his own home, then the tasks are much the same
as those in your house. If they are living with
you, there are still tasks, such as doctor
visits or laundry, that will need to be done in
addition to your own. Even if they are living
in a nursing home, there are still some things
you will be responsible for.
CONSOLIDATE TASKS
Once you know what needs to be done, see if
there are any tasks that can be consolidated
with your own.
·
Consolidate banking accounts to one bank so you only have to make one
trip
·
Set up automatic bill-paying with utilities, insurance companies, etc.,
or ask to have the due dates the same as yours
so you are only writing out bills once.
·
Coordinate refills at the pharmacy with the days you pick up your own
·
Shop at the same grocery store as the elder and drop off the groceries
on your way home. If your relative doesn’t live
near you, consider setting up a grocery delivery
system. It costs a bit more, but saves more in
time.
·
Schedule appointments for the hairdresser, dentist, etc. at the same
time. Of course, one of you may have to switch
the salon you visit, but it’s worth saving the
extra trip.
·
Prepare an extra serving or two while preparing your own meals and
freeze or store for them.
·
Hire a housekeeper for yourself or the elder
COLLECT INFORMATION
As the primary caregiver, you will need to know
all the personal information necessary to care
for that person. You will also need to know
this in case of an emergency. Make a list of
the following and keep it handy:
·
Name and phone number of physician, pharmacist, and other medical
caregivers
·
Names and doses of prescription meds, and over the counter medications
·
Medical insurance information
·
Life insurance information
·
Names and phone numbers of friends and other relatives of the elder
·
Parish the elder belongs to
·
Extra set of keys to the person’s home or apartment
·
Extra key to safe deposit box or in-home safe
·
Name and phone number of close neighbor
·
Name of bank and bank account number—have yourself put on the account
·
Name and phone number of financial advisor
·
Name and phone number of lawyer
·
List of all the bank, savings, investment accounts
·
List of all insurance policies
ORGANIZATIONS/BUSINESSES TO HELP YOU
·
Meals on Wheels—www.mowaa.org
·
Maid service
·
City/village transportation
·
In-home health care—www.n4a.org
·
Personal assistant or virtual assistant
·
Adult day care
·
Geriatric care manager—www.caremanager.com
·
Department of Home and Health Services--www.hhs.gov/aging/index.shtml
·
Family Caregiver Alliance—www.caregiver.org
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National Family Caregiver’s Association—www.thefamilycaregiver.org
·
National Institute On Aging--www.nia.nih.gov
REMEMBER YOURSELF
You can get so involved in caring for an elder
person, that you may lose touch with your own
family. Always remember to take care of
yourself also. If you aren’t healthy or
emotionally balanced, everyone around you will
feel the effects.
·
Hold family meetings to discuss and resolve issues
·
Seek counseling for depression, grief or stress as necessary
·
Locate a support group in your area to help you through the process and
provide resources
No one wants
to be suddenly thrust into the position of
caregiver. But life doesn’t always go as
planned, so it is better to be prepared, than to
have to take care of all this in an emergency.
The better prepared you are, the easier the
tasks will be, and the more free time you will
have for yourself.
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